


mirror mirror on the wall, why am i the bluest of them all?

by soobasaur



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, Very tiny tho, he has jisung to lift him up tho, implied eating disorder, jisung best boyfren, minchan are best fren goals, minho is based off of me lowk, minho is depressed, no beta we die like (wo)men, omg also 3racha is a group here, university setting ig, wrote this instead of sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28377783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soobasaur/pseuds/soobasaur
Summary: Minho was blue, he has been for his whole life. There’s a layer of blue within him that only his closest friends knew. Constant blue. The blue in the molds take different shapes, sometimes uplifting, and sometimes devastating.or where Jisung helps Minho see himself for the first time.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	mirror mirror on the wall, why am i the bluest of them all?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daisysungs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisysungs/gifts).



> help i didn't proofread this so just go with it 
> 
> amy if ur reading this hi ily i hope u enjoy this fic, I'm sorry it lowk sucks it's just me being very sad and throwing it onto minho. one day I'll write fluffy minsung but for now enjoy some angst
> 
> it's not too sad hehe

Minho was blue, he has been for his whole life. There’s a layer of blue within him that only his closest friends knew. Constant blue. The blue in the molds take different shapes, sometimes uplifting, and sometimes devastating.   
  
He was used to this constant feeling of emptiness, numbness was the only thing he felt as the days turned into nights, following the same routine until he switched off the lights.

It was exhausting to do the same thing over and over again. To know that at the end of the day he’d always end up on the bathroom floor with his back shaking due to his sobs, with no one there to whisper into his ear that it would be okay.

__ __ __

Minho never had any reason to walk with his head up.

He’d become accustomed to walking everywhere with his head down as soon as he hit middle school. The age where his insecurities took over his entire being and prohibited him from feeling his best. The age where he felt scrutinizing eyes everywhere he went, the age where he was told to give a second thought before going in for a second helping at dinner.

it was hard to live knowing everyone’s idea of perfect was different, he was always so caught up with pleasing everyone else he never took the time to go through with what  _ he  _ wanted.

__ __ __

Never looking up at a mirror was not an easy task to do, Minho learned this the hard way. There was a reflection every way he turned: the bathroom mirror, the toaster his parents gifted him years ago, his turned off cell phone screen. As the day progressed it got harder and harder to not see himself.

It became almost impossible once he took up dance. he was forced to focus on his posture and movements in order to improve. He was trapped in a box  _ covered  _ in mirrors as if they were all mocking him as he did the one thing he loved. 

It was okay though, or at least that’s what he told himself. The hard truth was that he barely managed. He had to, dance was the only thing that kept him going.

He knew his teammates whispered behind their palms at his long sleeves and bucket hats, he knew the stares behind him weren’t of envy but of pity. But if covering himself from head to toe was what was gonna get him through dance then he’d do it in a heartbeat.

The male didn’t even remember the last time he took a good look at himself. Why should he? The sight would only sicken him. 

  
  


His friends quickly took notice of his behavior, from the refusal to take pictures and the way he ducked his head down in order to brush his teeth during nights together. They all shared side-eyes when they thought he wasn’t looking.

They made the pain manageable. His best friend Chan made sure to compliment him every single day, earning an annoying glare and a failed attempt at hiding his smile. Chan’s boyfriend Jeongin, and practically Minho’s little brother, loved to make Minho his personal mannequin for his designing courses. The kid loved to doll him up, and Minho would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the attention. His dance teammate and friend Hyunjin took him on friend dates every weekend, giving Minho a simple pout to which he fully surrendered to. He ended up following the younger one like a lost puppy every time Saturday.

Minho really did love his friends, though he’d never say that aloud. They tried their very best to make him comfortable, though he sometimes saw how much it hurt them when he couldn’t see himself in a brighter light.

__ __ __

His insecurities began to unravel that one night at Chan’s place. While him and his friends were watching a movie he felt a flash of light go off on his right, he turned to find hyunjin staring down at his latest obsession, a polaroid camera, as he waved around a piece of film, where minho’s side profile slowly started to appear.

Quicker than the flash on the younger’s camera, the elder leaned over and snatched the photo out of the younger’s hands, standing up as he ripped it in half, his breathing getting a bit heavy as the three of them stared at him in shock.

That night ended with Hyunjin profusely apologizing to him and Chan calming him down from what he later realized was an anxiety attack, all while Jeongin tucked him into their bed and told him to sleep it off.

  
  


Ever since then none of them have taken a photo of him, or asked him to take a picture with them. He slowly grew accustomed to the feeling of being on the sidelines, if one were to stalk his friends' social media posts no one could ever see that he was there. He was always out of frame, holding in his tears as he watched his friends capture their moment of happiness together.

Minho was used to it.

What he was not used to though, was Han Jisung.

  
__  
  


When Chan announced he was finally ready to introduce his friend groups to one another Minho had been ecstatic for the elder, Chan was a big extrovert and Minho knew the elder was vibrating with excitement to finally mend his friend groups together.

The elder had formed a group that went by 3RACHA, who have been boosting in popularity lately online, and Minho was proud of his best friend. Minho had never even seen the other two-thirds of the band, only knowing them by their stage names J. One and SpearB. 

That night he was shoved into a booth as Chan excitedly talked his ear off. Jeongin only stared at the elder with heart eyes as he took everything in. Minho was surprised to learn the younger man also hadn’t met Chan’s friends. 

As if the universe was listening to his wishes for Chan to shut up, Hyunjin finally waltzed through the door with another male hanging off his arm.

“everyone, this is Lee Felix!” The freckled boy gave them a wave as he sat across from him, giving him a warm smile as they fell into an easy conversation once figuring out the other did dance..

Sooner than later, and with a couple of dishes scattered along their table, chan’s band members finally arrived along with another friend.

The first male to make his way through the door had a cute puppy-like face and also gave Hyunjin a gentle peck on the cheek, to which the younger playfully shoved him away as he introduced the male as Seungmin.

The other two were loud with their entrance, which alerted Minho that  _ these  _ must be the ones Chan produced with, only the elder could attract people as loud as him.

The first male had a hood pulled over his face and it seemed as if a cold demeanor surrounded him, but the moment he made eye contact with Chan he broke into a wide smile as catcalled him. Chan introduced him as Changbin, said male slid into the seat next to Felix and threw his arm around the freckled boy. 

Minho laughed as he watched Felix turn a bright shade of red.

The male following right behind Changbin shot him an obnoxious wink as soon as he made eye contact with Minho, to which it was Felix’s turn to laugh at the light dust of pink on his cheeks. 

“I’m Jisung,” the male said, as he plopped himself in the seat right beside him, sliding an arm around his chair as he gave yet another wink.

Minho decided he liked Jisung.

The younger was easily the funniest out of all of them, a close second behind Felix. 

Jisung roped them all in by exposing Chan's funniest stories, leading the eldest to rest his head on the table as Jeongin tried his best at comforting him, but letting out traitorous laughs as he did so.

“so, what do you do for fun?” Jisung asked him, as the table separated into different conversations, him and the younger being at the very end of the table, therefore leaving them with one another.

Minho quietly picked at his food, maybe only taking one or two bites that entire evening, as he quirked an eyebrow at the younger.

“for fun?” 

“yeah,” the other replies, leaning back as he popped a couple of gimbap into his mouth, his cheeks resembling that of a chipmunk, “like what makes you happy, any hobbies?”

“oh, well I like to dance I guess,” Minho answered, pushing his plate away and moving to fiddle with his drink’s straw. 

“and he's hella good at it!” Hyunjin yelled from across the table, “he’s a sexy motherfucker.”

Minho sent a glare at the other boys, turned their heads to laugh at Minho, and just like that the initial shell around the two broke and they fell into a fluid conversation, the elder’s cheeks hurting from smiling so much. 

  
  
  


But good things never really last that long do they? 

“let’s all take a selfie!” Jisung offered, taking out his phone as he stretched his arm out, the boys behind him quickly getting into place and putting on silly faces.

as per routine, Minho ducked out of the frame and sipped on his lukewarm sprite, looking down as he let his insecurities eat him from inside out.

“Minho? Get your pretty face in frame,” Jisung smiled, motioning to him with his hand. 

Minho simply shook his head and waved him off, causing the younger to tilt his head at him like a lost puppy before he saw Chan whisper something to him not so subtly. Jisung made an ‘o’ shape with his lips and quickly took the selfie with just the seven of them, sending it in the newly made group chat.

__

Minho couldn’t help but poke his food after that and stood up to announce his farewell, mentioning how he needs to feed his cat. Only Chan could tell he was lying, as he had mentioned early how he got his neighbor to feed them earlier, but his newest friends didn’t suspect anything as they waved him goodbye.

He stepped out into the stinging cold and started his walk home, kicking a pebble along as he did so until he heard a voice call out his name from behind. 

He turned to tell who he assumed was Hyunjin that he didn’t need someone to walk him home but his eyes were met with Jisung instead, who gave him a warm smile and fell into place beside him.

Minho shrugged and walked alongside the younger, the two falling into a conversation when Jisung spoke out, 

“Hey hyung, do you trust me?”

  
  
“Well, you haven’t given me a reason to not trust you yet,” Minho laughed.

“Hmm, then please believe me when I say you’re beautiful.” 

And just like that Minho’s laugh was caught in his throat as Jisung swiftly change the topic, keeping the same warm smile on his face all the way through.

  
  


__ __ __

  
  


Eventually, albeit slowly, Jisung switched something on inside of him

It was as if every thought of self-doubt left his mind when Jisung was with him, his mind clouded with nothing apart from the younger.

With every moment spent with his newfound lover, Minho walked every step to recovery with his head up. Suddenly the boy he saw in the mirror wasn’t as terrifying when the younger was right beside him, holding his hand along the way. 

There were times when he felt like he couldn’t do it anymore and crumbled, leading to lonely nights and tear stained pillows. But they always managed to get back up on their feet.

As the years passed the younger and his group quickly grew, his outstanding life not fitting Minho’s more secluded one. They both realized this but chose to give a blind eye, up until the missed phone calls and cold beds became too much.

His hand that had become accustomed to the younger’s warmth slowly froze as he let go of his hold on his  ~~ lover  ~~ ex lover.

  
  


He was back on the sidelines, but this time cheering on what could’ve been.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> if you read this far pls comment and lmk what you think, it would mean a lot :P
> 
> anyways I hope you enjoyed my 5am writing skills, if you wanna talk hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/feIixsbf)


End file.
